Wednesday, May 7, 2014

All I Want for Mother's Day...

I am not one of those people who needs large bouquets of flowers or tiny boxes with big price tags on Mother's Day.  Don't get me wrong, I definitely won't turn those things away but I really don't need them.  I love all of the adorable hand made gifts from each child.  I treasure the little cards with hand prints or misspelled words.  I have never expected breakfast in bed (it would just cause crumbs).  I don't want a family lunch at a fancy restaurant or a corsage to wear at church.  Every year I have the same wish for Mother's Day...

It is really quite simple.

It is something that most moms have probably wished for at some point in their motherhood journey.

It costs absolutely nothing, zip, zilch, zero.

No one has to go to a store or purchase anything in advance.

It does not require cleaning the house, kitchen, or the children. :)

Are you ready....

My number one big wish for Mother's Day is to...

PEE IN PEACE!

Yep, you read that right (sorry if it seems a bit harsh).  Oh, how I long for the day to pee in peace.  It seems like such a simple request but you would think it required someone to move mountains or an act of congress.  They (you know the ones, my kids) follow me to the bathroom.  They are right on my tail...even when I try to out smart them and run!  They knock on the door even when they watched me shut it.  "Mommy, are you in there?"  The door knob frantically begins to shake.  I sit completely still, like a wild animal.  I try not to make a single noise.  I even hold my breath.  Just when I think the coast is clear and decide to go about my business...BUSTED!  They have found me.  First it is a small hand under the bottom of the door.  Then the questions, "Mommy can you see me?"  Sometimes I am lucky enough to get a toy or a note slid under the door.  Whatever they need it cannot wait the 60 seconds I need.  Or my all time favorite, yelling at me through the door or the bathroom on the other side of the wall.  When I wave my white flag of surrender (a.k.a. toilet paper) I exit with hesitation.  I have been known to crack the door and take a small peak.  As I make my way out, BAM!  There they are with the ever puzzling question, "Mommy...why were you in there?"

So my dear, sweet children, I love you with every ounce of my being.  I thank God for you every day.  But please, this year on Mother's Day, please, I beg of you, let your poor mother pee in peace.

Love your mother,
The Bathroom Bandit


No comments:

Post a Comment